I think I’m in trouble

So I mentioned that I started dating Clark, and since we decided to slow things down we’ve been good, but not nearly as hot and heavy as we were out of the gate. We are still just casually dating, nothing serious, nothing exclusive. 

So when a guy who I’ve known for a few years (we’ll call him Christian) asked if I wanted to get a drink, I had no problem saying yes. While we’ve been friends for a while, I would say that we were never really close. There had been a few times where I thought he may have been flirting with me, and certainly in the days leading up to us getting drinks his texts were more flirtatious. We were supposed to get together on wed. but he ended up texting me the saturday before to see if I wanted to hang out that night. 

I met him in his neighborhood in Brooklyn at his favorite little bar. We sat in the back booth, drank beers and talked for hours. He was hard to read, sometimes he was flirtatious, but it didn’t feel like a date. More like he genuinely wanted us to be better friends. Once I wrapped my head around that, I relaxed and switched out of date mode, into friend mode.

He was very easy to talk to, and after a few beers our conversation turned to sex. I don’t really remember how we got there, but we were both very comfortable talking about it. I had no problem being open about all my kinks and he was very open with me as well. He made passing mention to the fact that we’d probably be good sexual partners, but regardless of wether of not that ever happened between us, he wanted us to be close friends, the kind of friend he still talked to in 5 years. I was happy with that. 

We kept talking, emailing and texting the next few days. Occasionally he would say something that may be considered forward or flirtatious, but he would always apologize for it immediately. I kept telling him that no apologies were necessary, but he kept doing it anyway. 

We kept our original plans for wed, and hung out in his studio. Once again our conversation turned to sex eventually, but we were able to easily talk about the three things that most people avoid talking about with friends. Sex, politics, and religion. 

A few days later I mentioned to him in an email that I had started reading this erotica novel that I was really enjoying. He asked why it was so good, and after I told him a little about it, he decided to start reading it too. 

Needless to say, we were both reading the same erotic novel at the same time, and it was giving both of us all kinds of ideas. At first we would email about the book, and then things we enjoy sexually. But last night the conversation eventually turned to how turned on we currently were and what we’d like to do to each other. 

We emailed back and forth for a few hours last night and it was honestly amazing. I was so turned on that my eventual orgasm at the end of the night was better than any sex I’ve had in a long time. He agreed. 

So here is my dilemma, I’ve found someone I can really be my kinky sexual self with. I don’t know if he really wants to do those things in real life but regardless I know this isn’t turning into a relationship. 

And then there is Clark, who I do have feelings for, but it’s hard to think about him when I’ve been having this ongoing mental affair (if you will) with Christian. 

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You’re right, there will be a degree of anonymity that will be lost by the use of my voice. But I don’t have a problem with the people that know me, knowing about these things. I mainly keep this blog anonymous because some of the men I’ve dated might not appreciate me being so open. 

Question of the day

A friend of mine is trying to convince me to do a podcast on the topic of sex, relationships, and possibly women’s issues. This would be like a radio show broadcast over the internet. Just like this blog it would be more anonymous, but I am entertaining the idea.  

Is this something you guys might be interested in?

Being comfortable

This week I had two wonderful dates with Eric. Earlier in the week I texted him to see if he had any plans that evening, and since he did not he suggested we get dinner. We met up at a place close to my office and we enjoyed a nice meal. 

The interesting thing about our friendship is that usually when we are out to dinner, or hanging out in public, it’s not a very romantic situation. We just act like very good friends. 

When we were done with dinner he asked if we could hangout over the weekend, so we made a date for Sunday night. We kissed a bit and then said goodbye. 

On Sunday I was assuming that I would just go over to his place but instead he invited me out to dinner again, but this time at a place near his apartment. The food was good and as usual, I was very comfortable around him. He doesn’t feel like a boyfriend because we don’t hold hands when we are walking down the street, or flirt at the table. It’s almost like we know what is gong to happen afterward so neither of us has to try very hard. However, we are very physically attracted to each other, but we just keep most of it behind closed doors. 

After dinner we went back to his apartment and things heated up pretty quickly. I think I’m getting used to the way he has sex. It’s not as rough or as loud as I am used to, but it’s sexy and sweet. Plus I am just more comfortable around him. I’ve opened up a bit and I’m feeling sexier in my own skin. 

When we were done having sex we decided to bring the blanket into the living room and watch a movie. I keep my clothes off (see I am getting comfortable) 

I really enjoy spending time with him, I’m just comfortable. 

Now for the sexier details from last week

By now you may have figured out that I was in Austin, TX for an industry conference better known as SXSW. 

I’ve told you about the emotional stuff I’m dealing with my ex-fiancé, but I haven’t given you all the sexy details about the fun stuff. So here you go. 

I had sex with two guys over the course of the week. Only one was really that great. This guy I’ve slept with before and he knows the value of dirty talk. What’s wrong with guys these days, it’s like they don’t know how to talk dirty. (If you didn’t already know, or you are new to reading this blog, I enjoy dirty talk). Also while I wasn’t sure how in the mood I was, once he was inside me I couldn’t get enough. 

Also, sex in the middle of the day when you are sober and not tired from all the partying, is great! 

There was also a good deal of flirting this week. Most notably with a man who’s words are still giving me the chills. He’s tall and dark and I’m pretty sure he’s at least 10 years older than me, but I really don’t care. We were at a party one night and he told me that I should be happy I was meeting the tamer version of him. According to him, back in the day he would have already scooped me up and I would be disappearing every day to have sex with him. We didn’t really get chance to dive any deeper into this conversation, but he does live in NYC so hopefully we will see each other again. 

I got a chance to catch up with the guy who called me beautiful, and while we didn’t really spend a lot of time together, and he didn’t make a move, he did tell me that he is moving to NYC at least for a little while. So I’m hoping that we can get to know each other better. I get the feeling that there really could be something more than just sex there, like a possible relationship, but I don’t want to push it. 

Right before I left the city a met a guy (who’s a year younger than me) and we hung out a together a few nights while we were down in Austin. I’m not sure if he actually was flirting with me, or if that’s just his vibe with everyone. (he could also just be immature) I also was pretty drunk two nights that we were hanging out together, so I can’t be 100% sure what I said or did. :/

Over all I had a great time this week, I do still miss my ex but I think I’m finally ready to let go. In other news I think my sex drive is back ;) and there are a few new guys in the mix. Let’s see if any of them can follow through. 

Premature Ejaculation

refreshinglyconfident:

Guys, it’s not a big deal. Really. Please stop being embarrassed by it. You know when you get us off really fast and you think, Hell yeah, I’m in the man. Well, I feel the same way whether your dick is in my mouth or vagina. My ego inflates ever so slightly. As long as you return the favor with some attention my way, I don’t give a shit if you last 2 minutes or 20. 

And, get it out of your minds that I want to have intercourse all night. No, I want to have multiple sessions in a night. So, fuck me, let’s sleep for a bit, then wake me up for some more. 

Why don’t guys understand this. I want to have sex multiple times a night. Please, please, please let’s do it again. 

I’m always ready to go again, but for some reason guys like to make it last super long and then they are done. 

(Source: playfullyseductive)

Being Happy

These last few weeks I’ve felt very good about my life. I’m comfortable in my own skin, and I’m happy being single. 

I’ve really done a cleaning out of my personal life, really learning who my real friends are, learning who I value most, and who is important to me. 

A few days ago I planned my birthday party, and for the first time in many years it isn’t at a bar where I just invite everyone I am acquaintances with on facebook to join me. Instead I planned a small dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and invited a very short list of friends. 

I kept looking at the list thinking, I should invite more people. But every time I thought of someone else I could invite, I realized that I didn’t really want them there. I just wanted to enjoy a dinner with the people I care about. 

On that short list is the guy I’ve been seeing. I realized that we’ve been sleeping together since August, and we’ve become good friends. Regardless of whether of not we are in an exclusive relationship, it’s still a relationship. Even a friendship is a relationship, but we obviously have more than that. 

So for the first time I was able to open up to him, and really just let myself enjoy being with him and not worry about keeping my emotional distance so that I don’t get hurt. 

Last night we were supposed to hang out. I told him I would be done at the gym around 8. So he said he’ll feed me when I’m done. I got to his apartment around 8:45 and he was cooking for me. He’s done this before, but this time it seemed like he had put much more thought into the meal. 

We ate dinner and talked, we didn’t have the TV on or anything while we ate. It was nice. When we were done eating we starting kissing, but I just ended up straddling him on the couch, and we had a pretty long conversation. We talked about a lot of things, but I think what I enjoyed most was just being able to talk and open up. It made me feel really happy and much more secure about his feelings for me. 

Then we cuddled and watched a movie, after the movie we started kissing but he really took his time with the foreplay. Something was just different this time. I was much more relaxed and as a result I was much more turned on. 

I could go into much more detail but I’m not sure how much detail you signed on for when you started reading this blog…

The sex was really good. I’m very happy about where the two of us are right now.